February 2024

going into the 2nd month of the year and I’m again feeling like I’m stuck.

There’s always so many things running through my head and then I get this feeling of sharp pain in my heart …sometimes its something someone said, or something I saw..

Just the other day, I was standing at my usual spot while waiting to pick up ZT from school and this guy walked and stood right in front of me. I froze…because he looked like Jozef, even the side profile. Those feelings came creeping up and I just froze and my head went blank.

Life had been interesting. ZT broke his arm in January and I had to face that same fear and uncertainty walking into that same hospital. All the unresolved anger towards that place came creeping up…while I frantically try to keep my emotions under control for my son. I’m his only support at that moment, and I wasn’t going to fail him.

Just the other day, I asked myself, what am I trying to prove to myself or to who am i trying to prove that I am capable? Is it necessary? I don’t think I’m ready to face the truth or see the answer.